
Wow, what a last few days it's been. Since my last post here I've come to make some very good choices I must admit, staying in control of that back on board feeling. I've not been perfect, but I am hoping that my hard work will pay off on Tuesday's weigh in. If not, well I'll just have to work a bit harder!
Friday night saw us all pretty tired, run down and all in all slumped on the sofa. My partner looked at me and asked if I wanted to just order in, he could see I was tired and honestly he was too. So he suggested
Domino's and that he'd pick it up on his way home from the store with light shopping. I thought a minute, I could have the pizza alongside everyone else, or I could take another hard look in the mirror and do something else. I opted for the latter, I asked him to please simply get me a pasta dish, something without cheese, something as healthy as he could find at the store, I'd skip the pizza. You have to know, I LOVE...no ADORE Pizza, so to make such a choice was the most empowering thing I can recall doing when it comes to food. You know, I didn't miss it. I thought that I would sit there drooling over every little piece of pizza going into my family's mouth but, I didn't. My pasta was lovely, I had some dairy allowance and put my weighed portion of cheese on the top and sank into pasta heaven. It felt so good.
Riding on the high from Friday night's grand dinner decision, I was faced today with yet another
dilemma. We took the kids swimming today and decided after to have a bite to eat there at the leisure center. My partner ordered a burger and chips (fries to us Americans), my son the same, the little one, chicken and chips and now my choice. Tempted by all the fried goodies on offer I had a look at the menu. If it wasn't fried, it was sausages, or something with chips, or sandwiches on white bread. However I noted on there a nice Jacket Potato with Baked beans and although the burgers smelled lovely, my thighs in the bathing suit at the pool were enough to make me want to choose anything other than fatty burgers.
I cannot tell you how much in the past I would have just buckled in and called it a ''one off''. Previously that one off would have meant both Friday and Saturday totally ruined by just these two meals. Top that off with probably desserts and other goodies I would have allowed myself and wham
bam thank you mam, my thighs wobbling their own dance routine. When you start to jot things down and look at your eating habits on paper, you begin to take more notice of all those ''one offs''. They all add up fast, much faster than I gave them credit for. Finally I'm feeling very in control this week. I've had one ''bad'' day when I just seemed to want to eat everything, but all in all I've kept it in check and not let it become a spiral.
I'm also going to have a try at the S.A.S. log that Slimming World do. It stands for Slimmers Against
Sabotage and it gets you to have a look at your eating habits in more detail so you can assess where you might be
sabotaging yourself. That is me totally, I know this fat represents much deeper issues and letting go of it means I have to square with those issues once and for all.
I have a choice, hang onto it all and let my heart grow heavier by the day with emotions so pent up they are screaming to get out, not to mention that the fat lays heavy on my body wrecking it day by day.
Or, face the only thing in life I've been scared of facing and let it all go. Only when I do this will I find the courage in myself to move forward, without the emotions, without the fat, just me, loving life and most importantly myself.